And Tomorrow, We'll Awake Once More
by richelleaimee
Summary: My take on post 7x19, this is my first try at this, please review
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Ravens were meant to fly, to spread their wings, to soar and overcome. She, she was no raven. She was but a woman, an orphaned child, sitting on cold concrete, secretly broken, secretly mangled. The air was crisp and clear, and yet, Haley couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She could barely move. The pain in her chest had crept up during her sleep, first stirring in her stomach and slowly gripping her chest, her throat. The blankets had felt so heavy, and so she escaped. And here she found herself, on cold concrete. Her legs were bare, and goose bumps travelled up to her thighs. Haley didn't notice her shivering body. She cried until she could no more, until her body became limp, and her eyes became heavy.

The sun rose and peered into the master bedroom. The rays spread onto Nathan's face as he rolled his face into his pillow.' Sun', he thought, 'too early'. He reached his arm out expecting to feel the warmth of his wife's skin across his fingers. In place, however, were cold un-slept blankets. Nathan lifted his head to check if his fingers had lied to him. 'Hales?' he asked himself. Slightly confused, Nathan slid out of bed and checked the bathroom. 'Empty', he told himself. He made his way out of the bedroom slipping into the light blue shirt he has worn the night before. The stairs creaked underneath his feet as he tiptoed downstairs. 'Hales?' he wondered loudly as he entered the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around himself as he found an empty kitchen. The house was eerily quiet…and cold. Turning around, he noticed the backdoor was slightly ajar. As he stepped through it, his breath caught in his chest. His wife's petite figure was huddled on the ground, her chest breathing in and out in a rhythmic sleep. Nathan walked up to her, and crouched down. As he saw her up close, he could see that her body was covered in goose bumps. Holding back tears, he touched her shoulder in an attempt to wake her up. Her skin was cold to the touch. 'Hales…Hales baby, wake up', he softly cooed. Haley's body gave a slight shrug as her husband's touch melted her cool skin. Her eyes fluttered open. 'Nathan?' she uttered quietly as her eyes adjusted to the early morning sun. As she awoke, memories of the previous night flooded her mind. 'Nathan, I'm, I'm sorry. I was just…and I…I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep.' She ranted on as she quickly stood up. Nathan looked at his frazzled wife. Something was wrong. She had been solid since her mother died; she had been functioning normally yesterday. 'Hales, are you ok?' Nathan knew the answer to his question, yet, he needed her to confirm his thoughts. 'Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Really, I just couldn't sleep, the bed, it was uh, it was too warm. I didn't think I'd fall asleep outside. I didn't mean for you to wake up alone.' Haley avoided her husband's eyes as she rambled on. 'Do you want coffee? I'll make coffee.' Haley rushed inside, leaving her speechless husband behind.

Her feet couldn't carry her fast enough. Haley rushed past the kitchen and into the closest bathroom. She hurriedly closed the door behind her and gripped the sides of the sink with her hands. Slowly, she lifted her head and met her puffy eyes staring back at her in the mirror. 'Oh god', she thought to herself, 'he wasn't supposed to find me like that. He wasn't supposed to see me defeated. He wasn't supposed to…he wasn't…' Her throat clamped up, her breathing became staggered. An overwhelming feeling of panic grew into her chest and with it a wave of nausea. Haley rushed to the toilet and emptied her stomach's contents. She had kept her struggle hidden from Nathan for weeks, and now she had been discovered. She knew now, that even with forced smiles, she couldn't hide from him anymore. Yet, she was determined to deny him any chances of truly seeing the empty shell she had become.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Nathan stood awestruck at what had just happened. His wife was usually strong, and confident. The woman he had encountered this morning was none of those things. Even though she had tried to shrug off the desperate situation he had caught her in, Nathan had seen despair in his wife's every movement, and every word. How could he have missed this? How could he have overlooked her now obvious pain? Nathan rubbed his hands up his face and through his hair, took a deep breath, and walked inside the house ready for the fight that was to come. As he walked into the kitchen, however, he found a perky looking Haley, cup of coffee in hand. 'You like yours with sugar right?' she said as she bounced all over the kitchen in search of sugar. 'I was sure we had some. These cupboards are a wreck, I really should organize these with labels or something…maybe we could build some extra shelving? What do you think? Too much work?' Nathan silently watched while his wife frantically opened and closed every drawer and cupboard she came in contact with. As she continued her frantic pace, he walked towards her and firmly grasped onto her hips. 'Haley, stop this.' He said as his hands slowly made their way across her hips. 'Stop what Nathan? Do you not want coffee? No? That's ok, you want breakfast? I'll make breakfast' Nathan spun Haley around so she could face him. 'Stop it.' He repeated. Haley kept her chin down so to avoid eye contact. 'Honestly Nathan, I…' 'Stop it,' said Nathan once more as he cut her off. He gently grabbed her chin and lifted her head. He could see her holding back tears. Her eyes had gathered up soft puddles. She smiled. 'I'm ok Nathan, really. These are just silly tears. I'm fine. I'm fine.' Her performance didn't convince him. 'So fine equals falling asleep outside?' he asked. Haley once again avoided his gaze. 'I have to get ready for work' she whispered, and for the second time that morning, left him standing alone desperate for answers.

Nathan sat down next to the phone and stared at it. He'd been wrecking his brain for solutions on how to break his despondent wife's walls ever since she had left for work. After hours of brainstorming, it had come down to this; a phone call. Nathan reached for the phone and dialed the familiar number. 'Hello?' answered the voice on the other end. 'Lucas…it's Nathan, Haley's in trouble.'

Haley parked her car in the driveway and unbuckled her seat belt. She couldn't get herself to open the door. All she wanted to do was to stay locked up in her own world where she dared to cry. The minute she would step into the house, she'd have to count the hours until she could sneak out again, and have yet another sleepless night next to the pool. She finally coaxed herself out of the car. Each step towards the front entrance took excess energy. Energy she did not have. With a big sigh, she plastered a smile on her face and opened the door. 'Nate? Jamie? I'm home!' she yelled enthusiastically, but no answer came back to her. Haley kicked off her heels, and made her way towards the living room. As she turned the corner, an all too familiar face made his way towards her. 'Hi buddy.' Those two words were all it took for Haley's walls to come crumbling down. She felt her legs give away as tears welled up in her eyes. Just as she was about to fall to the ground, Lucas caught her in a hug whispering 'It's ok' in her ear. Luke couldn't bare seeing her this way, his heart broke as he felt her ragged breaths against his chest. She looked much more frail and thin than last time he had seen her. He could feel her spine and ribs as he rubbed her back to console her. Haley's sobs finally subsided, 'Hi', she said meekly through sniffles. Lucas wiped her cheeks dry, and tucked straying hair behind her ears. 'Nate was telling me you've become a fan of camping?' joked Lucas while giving her a sly smile. Haley couldn't help but smirk. Luke always had a way of making her worse moments bearable. 'I'm ok Luke, really.' They both knew she was lying. 'I'd like to think all these tears are for me Hales, but I think I'd be being a light high on myself if I actually believed that.' 'Here', he continued handing her his hand, 'let's sit down.'


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was after midnight when Nathan got back from Brook's. He, Peyton and the kids had payed her a visit to give Luke and Haley some time alone. He entered the front door to see his brother sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of scotch. 'Was it that bad?' he asked Luke as he made his way towards him. Lucas finished off his glass and gave Nathan his characteristic smirk. 'Here', said Luke pouring a shot in another glass, 'I think you need this more than I do'. Nathan took a seat next to his brother and accepted the glass of alcohol. 'She, uh, she's not good Nate. You should have called earlier. I got her sleeping, but man, I've never seen her like this.' Luke scratched his head. He'd been friends with Haley since they were kids, and never had he seen her so distraught. Lucas poured himself another drink. 'Trust me, I know', answered Nathan. 'Look', replied Lucas, 'I'm not blaming you or anything, but how did you not notice this? She looks like a ghost man, there's nothing to her anymore.' Nathan just passed his hands through his hair. He had kept on asking himself the same question. 'Luke, I honestly don't know. I swear she's been fine for the last few weeks! Nothing was unusual!' Lucas sloshed the amber liquid around in his glass. 'Is she eating?' he asked his brother. 'I, I think so' answered Nathan hesitantly. Lucas took in a deep breath. 'Nate!' he said forcefully, 'you're here with her every day! How can you 'think' your wife is eating? You should know! You should Know, at the very least, if she's eating or not!' Lucas was getting frustrated. With a sudden jerk he pushed the heavy oak table towards Nathan. 'Hey man! Do you think I want Haley to be this way?' responded Nathan with anger laced in his voice. The last thing he needed from Lucas was a lecture on how to be Haley's husband. 'She's my wife Luke!' 'Yes, yes she is Nate. Which means you should know what's going on with her! You should be able to read her, to know her, to feel her!' Lucas' voice had become loud and shrill. He got up hastily from his chair and began pacing back and forth across the dining room floor. 'You know, I leave Tree Hill for barely a year and I come back to this?! I come back to see my best friend broken and I have to spend an hour with her in _your _bed so she can fall asleep?! Fix it Nate. Help her.' It was now Nathan's turn to get up from his chair. The chair fell back with a thud as he made his way towards his brother. 'Screw you man. She _is _my life' threatened Nathan as he gave Lucas a shove in the chest. 'Yeah, well maybe you should take care of her, _Dan_.' Anger surged through Nathan. He took a fistful of Lucas' t-shirt and slammed him against the wall. 'What are you gonna do, Dan. Kill me?' Just as Nathan's fingers formed a fist, a soft flawless voice was heard from the stairwell. 'Stop it', she whispered, 'both of you.'

Haley had woken up, like every night, in a state of panic. She sat back against the plush headboard in hopes of regulating her racing heart. She bent her legs close to her chest and laid her head between them with her hands wrapped within her auburn hair. As she laid there in the darkness of the quiet bedroom, she could hear the murmurs of a conversation from downstairs. She slipped out of bed and silently made her way out to the hallway, and into the stairwell. Haley huddled down on a step at the top of the stairs and hugged herself for warmth as she listened in to the voices below. Nathan was home she thought to herself. The voices started to escalate, and Haley could tell the conversation was getting heated. It didn't take her long to realize what the two most important men in her life were fighting about; her. As the voices increased in volume, Haley made her way towards the bottom of the stairwell. As she reached the last step, Lucas and Nathan came into her view. The sight of the two boys made her heart stop. It had been a long time since she had seen her husband be so violent towards someone. And Lucas just stood there, taunting him, provoking him. Tears dropped onto her bare collar bone, and it was just then that she realized she was crying. 'Stop it', she whispered. As Nathan's fingers curled up into a fist, it became obvious that her plea had not been heard. 'Stop it', she whispered a little louder. Both of the boys turned their heads to face her, 'both of you.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nathan turned to face his wife. As he saw the tears that streaked her face, his fist unclenched. She stood there with her long locks kissing her bar arms, her lean legs exposed by short shorts which extended into bare feet. Was it selfish of him to think of how beautiful he's wife is at a time like this? Nathan took a few steps towards her. 'Hales', he said, 'I'm…' he looked back at Lucas, 'we're sorry.' He watched her take a few steps forward. As she came into the living light, he just then realized how small she was. Her tank top, which used to cling to her, simply hung off her figure. Guilt arose into Nathan's chest. 'Luke is right', he whispered to himself. 'Hales, I'm so sorry, I should have payed more attention, I should have realized', apologized Nathan as he walked straight towards her. He gently placed his hand through her hair leaving his thumb on her cheek. He bent his head down and gave his wife a kiss on the head. 'You're gonna be ok, I'm gonna take care of you', he told her resting his chin upon her head. Haley let herself be held by her husband, but her own arms refused to envelope his body. They merely hung to her sides. 'I'm fine', she uttered as she tried to shrug off Nathan's grasp. The more she tried to move, the tighter her husband held onto to her. 'I'm fine! Let go!' she urged him. Her arms finally came alive and she began pushing her husband away. 'Let go!' she shouted, 'let go, let go!' With each plea, her voice became shriller and her husband received harder shoves in the chest. She was now crying hysterically. She finally shimmied herself out of her husband's grasp. She stood still looking at her husband's hopeless eyes. 'What have I done', she thought to herself bringing her hands atop her mouth. Without thinking, Haley dashed towards the front door grabbing her car keys on the way. And with a heavy slam, she was gone.

She'd been driving mindlessly for the last half hour, and finally, she arrived at a destination. She hadn't planned on stopping here, but the building somehow gave her peace. She unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way inside, the moon following her shadow with each sullen step. The building was deserted on weekday nights. Its innards were quiet and still as Haley made her way through the familiar hallways. She pushed open a door, and there it stood; her salvation. She walked up to it, and passed her hand atop its smooth black surface. Her reflection stared back at her as she looked down upon it. Its magnitude overcame her every time she saw it. She circled around it while consciously passing her hand over every bump, curve, and edge. She sat down in front of it and took a deep breath. She carefully picked up her right hand and prepared her fingers to liberate her. Each finger took its turn playing a key, and then her left hand joined in and a chord was heard. Haley raised her head up high as her throat opened. 'I love the time and in between, the calm inside me. In this space where I can breathe, I believe there is a distance I have wandered to touch upon the years. Reaching out and reaching in. Holding out and holding in oh.' She let her fingers play wildly amongst the keys as she lost herself in the melody she was creating. 'I believe this is heaven to no one else but me. And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence. If I chose to, would you try to under…' her voice cracked in the darkness of the studio, 'stand.' She finished the chorus quietly as tears began to join her fingers in harmony. 'Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free, the mold that clings like desperation. Oh mother don't you see I've got to live my life the way I feel is right for me. Say it's not right for you, but it's right or me!' Haley's voice echoed throughout the recording studio. She felt free, she felt alive. Her fingers continued to dance on the now flooded keys. This is where she would be saved, sitting here, hands on piano keys.


End file.
